The Perks of Being Single

So it's seems that somewhere between early teens and adulthood, being single/ without a man becomes a thing of pity, often met with a response that implies singlehood is a season of transit and seeking - like unemployment. "Have you found a boyfriend YET?" "Aww one will come soon don't worry". In addition, it seems a lot of things we do have been turned into a man finding activity. "Yaaas I can cook, wifey material" "I don't wear much makeup, no deception boys" "I'm a proverbs 31 woman, wifey material". Really? 

Now I'm far from a man hating extreme feminist. I love our brothers dearly but when did it become our mission to be involved with one asap? When did having a man become the ultimate goal, leaving singlehood something to be pitied and despised. Am I the only one who thinks being single is a super fun, super productive, super peaceful season? That whilst having a better half to love and do life with will be so fulfilling, enjoying the season you're in is just as satisfying? 

If you're like me and enjoying being a single pringle then great high five. But if you're one of the many ladies who, unfortunately, craves and longs to be in a relationship so much that they're not content with their portion, here's a list I've compiled to hopefully change your mindset and remind you why not having a plus one can be more of a blessing than a burden.

1. Your time is yours

Your singles days are your selfish days. If you've ever been in a relationship you'll know that your time is literally halved and that half is dedicated to your babe/bae/boothang. Whenever you have a day off, your first thought is to check if bae is also off before making plans. Your evenings are spent falling asleep on the phone, sometimes waking up exhausted and spending time together sometimes means travelling long distances to spend just an hour together because you're both super busy. Now all of this doesn't seem like a burden at all when your doing it with your love and the sacrifice is well worth it but while you're single and don't even have anyone in mind whom the sacrifice would be worth, why not enjoy your free time, your early nights, your open calendar, your low phone bill? 

2. Free to imagine 

The second (and this might be my current favourite) reason why being single is great is that you have complete creative control over what your future spouse might be like. When I do meet Mr right, I'll know what he looks, sounds and acts like, but until then future boo could have dreads one day and blonde hair blue eyes the next. This may seem nerdy but I find the mystery of not knowing so much fun. I'll be scrolling Insta one day and stumble across a tatted, scarred angry looking brother (if you know my type then yuuussss girll) and for the next week I'm like "Gawwwd you know the desires of my heart, bless me with a man like that" and then the following week I meet a comedian and my prayer changes to "Gawwwwd I don't care what he looks like, just make him hilarious". Sometimes I picture myself with a talkative social wiz that can join me on my YouTube adventure (Boyfriend does my makeup tag Yaaas) and other times he's the sexy silent mysterious type. Moral of the story is he changes all the time and that's fine because I know once we meet and become an item, every quality he possesses will become 'my type' but until then imma have fun guessing girllllll *paint nails emoji*

3. Focus

Right now I'm in my second year of university. I had a boo briefly during my first year and, as nice as it was, there were times when I'd skip on the work to squeeze in extra phone time and when I did get to studying my mind was all goo goo thinking of him. Now second year is a huge jump from first and with my procrastination levels already at a worrying high, I'm sure having a boyfriend would have affected my work further. Now I'm not saying all girls with boyfriends fail uni I'm just using myself as an example but I do believe that relationships make your brain act a little odd. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, in fact it's quite cute watching someone who's high on love but during your single days why not appreciate the fact that you have a clear mind and use it to focus on what's currently important in your life whether it be your studies, your career, your friendships etc. 

4. OOTD

Ok I lied, I think this one is my favourite. Now I know that I won't have to change my looks for Mr Right but realistically I know I'll want to look good for him and that might mean saying au revoir to some of my more experimental looks. Right now I'm basically bald and sometimes I feel like dressing like a boy and that's perfectly fine because I only have myself to seek approval from but fast forward to the bae days and maybe looking more masculine than him will be a no go. Future hubby might not be crazy about all of the hairstyles I want to try out but right now I'm planning a Half shaven multicoloured faux dread hair piece. Now I'm not saying I'm going to turn into a basic Joni Jean converse wearing chick but I'm aware that I will take his opinions and preferences into mind and I may subconsciously tweak a few things (You know you'd do it too) so right now I'm enjoying experimenting with my style and being as daring as I like. 

5. Last but not least, I have the reason which I believe is the most crucial (lied again) perk of being single and the one I believe God often uses as a reason for your singleness and that is spending time with Him. God wants to be your first and most important love. He is a jealous God and maybe He isn't prepared to bless you with a partner because He knows that Bill, Bob or Ben will become your God. Anything we put ahead of Him becomes our idol and God knows that pressure isn't fair on His sons and that expectation isn't fair on you. Ladies please understand that whilst we are precious to Christ, so are his sons. Sometimes we get this idea in our heads that we are the creme-de-la-creme that deserves a Godly man to come a sweep us of our feet - but what are you bringing to the table? Godly men are praying for Godly women and you need to cry out to God to build you up and strengthen your walk before you cry out for a man. Please read Genesis and see that it says Adam was sleeping. God didn't awaken him until Eve was complete! Please just let that sink in. Christ isn't going to present you to your Adam until you are complete. This doesn't mean free from all your issues and baggage, we're all human but He isn't going to present you to His son if he knows you're going to do him harm. He needs you to spend this season falling in love with Him just as much as He needs your Adam to do the same so that when you are brought together you'll understand how to love each other with a love that conquers all - Christ's love. Fall in love with the idea that God wants you all to himself right now and use this opportunity to strengthen your relationship with him. 

Ladies I pray that this has helped you put things into perspective and realise that singleness is not a time to be sad or feel lonely. It's not a waiting game or a case of nobody wanting you. It's a season just like all other seasons in our life that God uses for His glory and for our own good so lets abolish this "I need a man" mentality that girls and women seem to have adopted and enjoy the perks of being single ladies ;)

Adella xx 

p.s. I know the fellas struggle with this too sometimes but I find it hard enough to understand y'all and what goes through your head so I'll just pray for someone else to create a male version of this post k? It's all love!

It's Not That Deep

I wake up to find my toilet is blocked… Mid-way through my shower and the hot water runs out… I'm offered a great opportunity at the weekend only to find out I'm working all day… my last few shifts were long and tedious, making me miss the days before I had a job… my landlord rings to rudely inform me I have to pay for a plumbing job that wasn't my fault…. another great opportunity arises in the upcoming weeks but oh, of course I'm working again. 

It's so easy to let small thing that are big things to you stress you out and get you upset. Writing it all out makes me realise just how minuscule those 'problems' actually were but at the moment of occurrence, they all managed to get under my skin and affect my mood in one way or another. It takes a lot to alter my mood for the worse so when I do find my mood seriously disturbed I close my eyes and ask God a simple question "What are you trying to tell me" and 9 times out of 10 he convicts me to change something internally that results in a change externally. Very rarely does it have anything to do with what was supposedly upsetting me to begin with but instead it's to do with my attitude and response. 

God said something to me today which only confirmed my view that Christ has a sense of humour. He said, "Adella, It's not that deep" It was funny because I've always expressed my dislike towards that phrase, arguing that nobody can tell you something isn't that deep because if you feel it's deep to you then it's deep - end of. Though I still somewhat stand by my opinion, I'm pretty sure God is exempt from that list. After all He is all-knowing so if He says something isn't deep then I have to accept that I'm in the wrong.

After He told me this, I finished reading chapter two of 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan and it all sunk in. I could literally die before I even post this and then what would my blocked toilet or my cold shower even matter. I wouldn't even see the weekend to be worried about missing events and long shifts. Our lives are so short when measured against the millions of years the world has actually existed. We're here for a split second to do a job - a God given task to reach others and be ambassadors for Christ so who really has time to be getting stressed over things that don't go our way?

It's  not about us!

So I had to apologise after having my mini selfish moment. Selfish because I took my eyes of the bigger picture to focus on the fact that things weren't going my way. Selfish because my life is actually going pretty great so what right do I have to complain about these tiny things. Selfish because instead of considering the fact that God allowed these small inconveniences to come my way for a reason, I decided that it didn't benefit me and therefore I wasn't going to respond positively.

Maybe if my eyes were fixed on what's important the first paragraph would have gone a little more like this:

I wake up. Praise God… Mid way through my shower the water runs out. Thank God I even have my own place and that I had funds to top up the meter… I was offered a great opportunity this weekend and even though I can't make it I'm grateful that I was considered… My last few shifts were long and tedious but most of the time they're fun and I'm blessed to have gotten a job so easily… My landlord rang to charge me for something that wasn't my fault but it's sorted now thank God… Another opportunity arises and I'm working again but I'm sure if I was really meant to be there it would have worked out that way.

Perspective changes everything. Let's have an eternal perspective so that we don't waste our time being so affected by the little things that God is unable to use us for the big things. 

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind - Ecclesiastes 1:14

Adella xx 

I'm Tired

I'm tired. 




For someone who is constantly preaching to my fellow sisters "Know your worth! Know your worth!" I think it's pretty ironic that the I've managed to land myself in seasons with people where my worth was not seen or rather it was seen at a value that I know is far less than than my father paid for me. 




So, laying here at 2am after having had a small heart to heart with my bestie in which I tried hard to articulate my feelings, with little success, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not sad, I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I'm tired. 




I'm tired of my concerns being regarded as 'picky' or 'demanding' or - my favourite- 'not that deep'. What does that even mean? I'm tired of thinking the best of people, only to have them prove me wrong. I'm tired of putting my best foot forward only to have my efforts ignored. But most of all I'm tired because I know my worth. I'm not arrogant in the slightest however I think VERY highly of myself, partly because I put extreme effort into being a good person, a kind spirited, empathetic and helpful person but MOSTLY because I know that I was made in the image of Christ and His Word lets me know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew me before I was even formed in my mothers womb. Above all else he DIED for me! For me? So how dare you come into my life and treat me as anything less than what I am: The daughter of a King. A King who reigns above all other kings. 




Im tired of wearing a full price label and, after letting people into my life, realising as they begin to pay, that they were expecting a discount because perhaps they didn't see the same quality that my maker saw when he set my original price. Maybe I have a few marks and snags but nothing that can't be fixed. So explain to me why you expect a mark down? 




But hey like I said, I'm not angry and I'm not bitter, although the tone may seem otherwise. Despite being tired, I thank God for allowing these seasons into my life because I know His plans are greater than my own and He knows the beginning from the end. Perhaps he blinded them to my true value to put a stop to relationships that he never ordained. Perhaps he allowed me to be under appreciated so that when Adam comes I'll recognise the difference instantly. Perhaps he's writing my testimony so that I never stop urging others to know their worth. Perhaps it's all of the above or perhaps it's none. Right now I really don't care because although I'm tired, that just means when I lay my head on my pillow I sleep well knowing that God has everything under control! 




"When you learn how much you're worth, you'll stop giving discounts" 




Adella x 

The Need For Self Discipline

You ever read scripture that you've probably read a hundred times before, almost to the point where it becomes familiar and you lose sensitivity to it's meaning, but then one day you read it again and it speaks to you as if it's the first time you've come across that page. This was me last night! This is me quite often actually because sometimes a verse or a book resonates with you more personally because it's speaking directly into your current situation - as if that verse was written all those years ago specifically with you in mind.

Well last night I stumbled upon 1Corinthians 9:24-27 where Paul talks about the importance of self discipline through the illustration of athletes and training.

 The whole illustration spoke to me but what really convicted me was the last verse, verse 27 where Paul finished with 'No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV)' maaaaaaaaate! Please imagine for a second, you've spent your whole life encouraging and uplifting others because  that's the easy part. Helping your loved ones and strangers, it makes us feel good and after all the bible teaches us to do this, so we're actually doing God's work! But disciplining ourselves? Saying no to our flesh, to him, to her, to sin, to satan?! That part's harder. That's where I fall short so I rely on my service to others as a means of making myself feel better about my shortcomings and inability to discipline myself. But Paul says run the race to win and I could be doing all these great things and still be disqualifies because at the end of the day it's not our works that save us but our faith. And how can I claim to have faith and love for God but not honour him with my everything and obey his commands? No more! I'm training and disciplining myself to win, not an earthly prize that will fade and be forgotten, but an eternal prize with my Dad.

This Spoken Word by articulates my point clearly and really makes it all hit home so have a listen

I pray this encourages and motivates you as much as it did me :)

Adella x

It's A Shirt | OOTD

So it's become routine for me and the bestie to go out on our lunch break to the same location on the street and snap our outfit pictures. We say it's never a wasted outfit if you snap a cheeky pic hehe. 

So here's what I wore yesterday: my dress is a maxi (midi on my tall self) dress that I altered years ago to make it tighter at the bottom. My pumps are an old River Island sale purchase and my jewellery are all gifts from Zambia with the exception of the rings which are from H&M. 

Now I've recently become a headscarf addict for many reason including but not limited to: 1. SOLANGE (obvs) 2. the fact that I'm bored of my current weave but I don't want to purchase a new one 3. I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural and there's a whole load of mess going on under the scarves and weaves. So I've pretty munch used all the scarves that I have many times and wanted something with a nice print so I used my shirt as a head tie which was considerably easy due to the sleeves which helped tie that baby in place. It was a happy accident but I'll definitely be messing around with my other shirts to see what cheeky looks I can create. 

Also I'm planning on filming a head scarf tutorial/ ideas very soon so stay tuned for that on my channel :) 

Adella xx 

WCW Julia Sarr-Jamois

So I've decided who I want to be when I grow up and, coincidently, she happens to be the new 'it' girl on the fashion scene.

As much as I love the likes of Miroslava Duma and Ulyana Seergenko, its nice to see a British fashionista on set. She's giving me major closet and hair envy with her clashing prints and her cool trainers, strutting along the streets looking as if being this cool and stylish is second nature!

At just 23, Julia Sarr-Jamois is a stylist the fashion editor at Wonderlust magazine but I think the half Senegalese half French Londoner is best known as that girl that keeps popping up on all the style blogs posed on the streets with her gorgeous long legs and huge fro.

I'm not quite sure how, but Julia always manages to look toned down even though her outfit is far from it. She's often seen rocking a funky pair of nikes pairs with a chic skirt and jumper. The pieces she puts together aren't meant to work together but somehow she manages to pull it off with what appears to be very little effort, even admitting that she takes 5 minutes to get ready because she's always late (if only).

Here are some of my favourite looks from the fearless fashionista:

Graduate Fashion Week - Vlog

I love being anywhere where there's quirky stylish people around me. Camden, shoreditch, Oxford St for example always excite me because I'm guaranteed to see fearless fashionistas roaming around that are sure to inspire me and my wardrobe.

So, of course I was excited to attend Graduate Fashion Week, not only for the show itself but also for the crowd and the student's work on display. I brought my camera along to vlog the day (check that out below) but I managed to get some snaps too and of course a cheeky Outfit Of The Day ;)

Top-Zara | Trousers-Monki | Kimono-H&M | Bag-Zara

WCW Solange Knowles

"Solange would so wear this"

As of late, this seems to be the phrase I recite before taking something to the tills or picking an outfit from my wardrobe. I know I'm slightly late to jump on the Solange-has-so-much-style bandwagon but better late than never right? I've always admired her bold style ever since she shaved off her hair and went natural (which was a huge deal at the time - especially in Hollywood) but recently I've been completely obsessed. Before deciding what to wear, I'll get on my phone and google 'Solange Knowles [insert occasion I'm dressing for]' and I'm sure to find some inspiration. Clashing prints and bold colours are something I've adopted and black has become a last resort for those days when I literally have nothing to wear.

As if her style alone wasn't reason enough to love her, she's also been releasing some pretty amazing music recently not to mention the fact that she's a DJ!! Her song 'Losing you' is currently on constant repeat and she has a super cool music video to match.

Basically I feel like Solange and I should be besties! So don't be surprised if you see me taking selfies and OOTDs with her in the near future (speaking it into existence)

Here are some of my favourite looks from my WCW:

Adella x