I'm Tired

I'm tired. 




For someone who is constantly preaching to my fellow sisters "Know your worth! Know your worth!" I think it's pretty ironic that the I've managed to land myself in seasons with people where my worth was not seen or rather it was seen at a value that I know is far less than than my father paid for me. 




So, laying here at 2am after having had a small heart to heart with my bestie in which I tried hard to articulate my feelings, with little success, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not sad, I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I'm tired. 




I'm tired of my concerns being regarded as 'picky' or 'demanding' or - my favourite- 'not that deep'. What does that even mean? I'm tired of thinking the best of people, only to have them prove me wrong. I'm tired of putting my best foot forward only to have my efforts ignored. But most of all I'm tired because I know my worth. I'm not arrogant in the slightest however I think VERY highly of myself, partly because I put extreme effort into being a good person, a kind spirited, empathetic and helpful person but MOSTLY because I know that I was made in the image of Christ and His Word lets me know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew me before I was even formed in my mothers womb. Above all else he DIED for me! For me? So how dare you come into my life and treat me as anything less than what I am: The daughter of a King. A King who reigns above all other kings. 




Im tired of wearing a full price label and, after letting people into my life, realising as they begin to pay, that they were expecting a discount because perhaps they didn't see the same quality that my maker saw when he set my original price. Maybe I have a few marks and snags but nothing that can't be fixed. So explain to me why you expect a mark down? 




But hey like I said, I'm not angry and I'm not bitter, although the tone may seem otherwise. Despite being tired, I thank God for allowing these seasons into my life because I know His plans are greater than my own and He knows the beginning from the end. Perhaps he blinded them to my true value to put a stop to relationships that he never ordained. Perhaps he allowed me to be under appreciated so that when Adam comes I'll recognise the difference instantly. Perhaps he's writing my testimony so that I never stop urging others to know their worth. Perhaps it's all of the above or perhaps it's none. Right now I really don't care because although I'm tired, that just means when I lay my head on my pillow I sleep well knowing that God has everything under control! 




"When you learn how much you're worth, you'll stop giving discounts" 




Adella x